Saturday, July 21, 2012

http://appletoh.livejournal.com

http://appletoh.livejournal.com http://appletoh.livejournal.com http://appletoh.livejournal.com http://appletoh.livejournal.com http://appletoh.livejournal.com http://appletoh.livejournal.com http://appletoh.livejournal.com http://appletoh.livejournal.com http://appletoh.livejournal.com http://appletoh.livejournal.com http://appletoh.livejournal.com http://appletoh.livejournal.com http://appletoh.livejournal.com http://appletoh.livejournal.com http://appletoh.livejournal.com http://appletoh.livejournal.com http://appletoh.livejournal.com http://appletoh.livejournal.com http://appletoh.livejournal.com http://appletoh.livejournal.com http://appletoh.livejournal.com http://appletoh.livejournal.com vhttp://appletoh.livejournal.com

Sunday, July 08, 2012

Its been sometime i actually just blog hop, and i just did it today. being online on a sunday afternoon especially, being cyber active used to be something which i did it quite often when i was younger. cant recall when was it that I got drifted away from being this active, this updated with the famous bloggers, this updated on my friends' urls, but i just did it, perhaps i would say its the technology today those iphones ipads and such that created the instant connect on them instead of having to on our laptops and then blog. it became a hassel compared to our always ready handy mobile phones. This is it, technology creeping into me, into us and the world- //I stumbled upon moonie's blog and found this particular entry on True Friends which really caught my attention. For a while it kept me wondering, true friends, mine, where? it kept me thinking for awhile, indeed.- and now evaluating on my own friends list, lemme just see what i have- //Indeed, i have a bunch of good old familiar ones from my primary school, which of cos I treasure, there's where i met my Bff, mazin, bestfriend and still counting, she's one of those who knows how to "auto" when comes to initiate meet ups and I really need those. I remember being the main organizer for most meet ups and such when we were younger and it went on for afew years. during the initial years i was infact quite active but later on when you have always been the one you;ll get sick so I got sick and stopped. To me keeping a friendship, is the efforts of 2 parties, no one can ever always be the leading person, even if he or she could, it will never last. So my flame for being the organizer didnt last burning, but im glad during the younger years I did it, there;s where our memories were being created- given a choice to do it once again, I definitely will. //moonie,- have always been a familiar old bff- even though this term hardly is describable on us anymore but it just dont seems right to remove it from her either. that's to me, maybe long ago this "title" have already been removed from her list on me, but okay- we have been there done that of course again during our childhood youth years , who knows when we got older things did drift us a little. we once fought bout something which I of course do not remember now, we almost had our friendship ended and I think it did, but was then again amended. Sometimes is just amazing how things could fall apart and then back and Im really glad we did- Even though we arent those sibei close now but at least somewhat we are not strangers. and we are goodies:-). even though time and shits may have proven that we are not there for each other but still somewhat this friendship still and always will mean alot to me- //and my secondary jiemeis, i shared a different type of friendship with them- afew of themselves would be much closer than i do, and i do not have a significant jiemei which im damn damn close with but this girley friendship is one of those i really treasure and loved too, although time factor again, have made us meet lesser, still i know when i need someone to talk anything under, ong will be here---- //andreashuqi another lost and found friendship 2 years ago is now on going even though we too dont meet so often but hanging around with her always seems to have made my english language improved, together with vynn this club dude, all i can say is this friendship is heaven sent //Ding, how to say about it, i knew her last feb only but we really indeed share the same faith, and she really take care of me. its just a unique friendship i would say with her, and, im glad I;ve met her- :) //and all my other random friendships, janeong, my childhood sweetheart, so childhood indeed.(:- ------------------------------------ I have just evaluated my Friendship- so whats yours

Thursday, June 28, 2012

its you, always has been have been, you-

Thursday, June 21, 2012

-

No matter how hard we fought we would be angry pissed and later amend. But why this time round did we take longer than we usually took to make this whole again- is this falling out for real- do I even have something to say- my heart break a little, every single day

Saturday, June 02, 2012

by Lisa Jenkins “When you believe something can be done, really believe, your mind will find ways to do it.” ~Dr. David Schwartz Fifteen months ago I was in a rut. A rather large rut actually. The recession was well and truly in full swing and I was up to my eyeballs in credit card and loan debt. I could barely afford to live, let alone pay my mortgage, and there was the threat of losing my home hanging over my head every day. I had spent most of my twenties and thirties working to pay the bills and the rent as most of us do, and frankly, considering the economic climate, I was just grateful to have a job. However, every day I would wake up in a fog and go through the motions of living. Most of the time I felt stressed and exhausted with nothing to focus on or look forward to, and I felt as if I couldn’t do a thing about it—which made me feel worse. I’m used to challenges in my life, as I have cerebral palsy. My mum passed away when I was nine, my father left the UK when I was eighteen, and I have been living independently ever since. This is not a “pity” plea. When faced with difficulties, as long as there is some kind of solution, or a door I can try, that keeps me motivated to keep looking for a solution. Fifteen months ago, I was faced with brick wall after brick wall. I wasn’t happy about it, but I couldn’t see a way out. I’m emotionally tough but my situation was making me question my whole being. I didn’t realize that I was functioning in a depressed state. I certainly never thought I’d be a single 37-year-old woman on the hamster-wheel of life doing the same job day in and day out, with nothing really to look forward to. I kept asking myself “Really? Is this it? Is this my purpose?” Something just didn’t feel right about the way I was living my life. I went to see a friend who specializes in reiki and yoga. She took one look at me and said, “You are at the end of your tether aren’t you?” at which point I burst into floods of tears. It felt so good to let it all out. After a few moments she said “You can change your life, and you will,” and handed me a small book. She told me the book would confirm everything I already knew deep down. The book was called The Secret. Even if I didn’t believe everything it in, it helped me switch my negative thinking and gave me a much more positive outlook. Just being told I could change my life made a huge difference in my mood. In my second reiki session with my friend, she asked me what my passions were. I said music and literature. She then told me to start writing—not tomorrow, not next week, but now! I realized that I had not written anything in years and had not listened to music—properly—for months. There was nothing in my life I could think of that made me feel excited or joyful, and that just wasn’t me. In fact, I hadn’t been “me” for years! It was a daunting prospect, and I started comparing myself to my favorite authors and music journalist, so I procrastinated—something I’m rather good at. But once I started to get a few responses from online magazines that were looking for contributors, the ball started slowly, but surely rolling. I now often ask people who are unhappy with their current situation what their passion is. Most say “I don’t know.” They do, really; they just don’t know how to articulate it. I ask what they think of first thing in the morning; when they feel happiest; what makes them tick; what they love; and what sends shivers up their spine. Most importantly, I ask when they last felt excited by something. There is often an underlying passion which can be turned into a job, a hobby, or a lifetime pursuit. I really believe that. So, a year-and-a-half later I am writing about music, the passion that used to make me as happy as a teenager. Years ago, I was willing to try and climb out of our house—on the second floor—to get to a concert my father had banned me from. Not easy with cerebral palsy. It was somewhat amusing to watch at the time, but I remember the passion I felt for that band and how good their music made me feel. I was willing to try anything! Finally after twenty years and doing what people “thought” I should do, I have my passion and belief back. Don’t get me wrong; life is not a field of sunny daffodils. I don’t get paid for my writing. There are thousands of wannabe music writers out there and hundreds of music magazines. They don’t need to pay you. I write for the privilege of writing about music as a fan more than anything else. I am still in debt, but I have managed to keep a roof over my head. Something, or someone, gets me through. I am also very lucky to have wonderful friends and family. They would never allow me to go homeless. I have also stopped fearing loss. Ask yourself what the worst-case scenario would be, and think about the steps you would take if that happened. You would, no doubt, survive somehow. No matter how bad you think it might be, could you get a roof over your head and food in your stomach for you and your family? If the answer is yes, then you would still be better off than some. If your fear is losing a person, just know that after they go, through choice or death, your heart will eventually heal, no matter how long it takes, and that it is okay to feel awful about it. You never stop missing the person; you just stop grieving for them, eventually. My life is so much better than it was fifteen months ago. I am a different person and I feel as if I’m back in the driver’s seat. Through my writing and the contacts I’ve made I have many exciting prospects. And most importantly of all, the Lisa who existed—the one who thought she could do amazing things with her life—is back. I still have a day job and I still pay the bills, but my music writing is beginning to be the main focus in my life—money or no money. And this makes me so happy on a daily basis I can’t tell you! I’m not waiting for someone to “discover me” and I have no intention of becoming famous, but with every new idea I have, interview I do, new contact I make, or new prospect that is offered to me, I get such a buzz. So, if you find yourself feeling as I did last year, don’t just quit your job, go on the dole, and hope for the best. Think about a dream you’ve always had and a passion that makes the adrenalin in your body start pumping, and forge a path towards it—for no other reason than you have to. Expect nothing in return, and everything that comes as a result of you following your passion will bring you untold happiness. After all, life is far too short to be miserable, don’t you think?-

Thursday, May 10, 2012

Messy

My life is in a mess. My life my family my relationship my work. Every bit of this is unknowingly creeping in me, taking pieces of me. I feel so unproductive at work like I sorta needed a little more time to just clear my stuffs, I am not accumulating in any ways but it just doesn't seems to get cleared cleared. It left too much left overs here and there making me feel so hard to strike it off the list. I hate it really dislike myself being unorganized and messy and simply just having mistakes here and there. I hate mistakes but when I'm more aware of mistakes I seems to make even more. Wtf? What's just wrong. Sigh. I want to produce @ work.: really really. What's holding me back, my personal life? My mood? My capability? I hate to be affected by mood but I am always affected by it. How do people segregate ? I can't , sometimes I can sometimes I just can't. I miss him. I miss being in love with him. Why. Sometimes is really the question, why do we have to end abruptly like how we started. Why.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

Do you know, you don;t

Hey you know it seems really pretty recent that we were in love but why do it felt like its also pretty recent that we are outta love, how contradicting can this love be, how did we manage to fight so badly, amend, kept going and then fall apart. tell me bout it.

Friday, April 06, 2012

Evaluation

I hvnt had time no time is not a valid factor, I hvnt sat down and evaluate my life my career path, I have been working and the company is paying of well for my age, my start up actually, question: do I see myself progress in there for a long time, or am I seeking alternative routes more often than not, I don't know, it's confusing, or am I just trying to find excuses and maybe I'm just sick of working already,(as usual) but you know what being in this company is no longer like being in any other unknown mncs and such, maybe because is big, or maybe because my age today my responsibilities now is different. I can't just leave a job just like this, like in the past I can, I don't like this job, I hop, dislike, & I hop again, I hv no issues, the company don't, and most importantly, I don't. But now le..it is not the same. I can't just go outta job just like this, no plans awaiting me, no income rolling in, this can no longer work. It's a pity that this is growth but this is indeed growth. I wish I could be some student 22 girl who's main responsibilities is only to study, and just ask for pocket money. Too bad I don't hv the luxury, I feel mature, so mature for my age. I wish I can lay back, to just observe than always being in the picture poking affairs of my loved ones. You know how much I wanto remain laid back so I don't have to shoulder so many things so many feelings, is tiring sometimes having to be the one, the one who always wants things to fall in place, the one who alwas has the initiative to make sure things falls together..... You know sometime I just wish someone could just take lead, so that I can really sit back and just watch.

Wednesday, February 29, 2012

Whatever hurts you hurts me too

"one of those days" when feelings got overwhelmed mood swings pms attitude angst sad emotional hurt worried paranoid stressed whatever you could think of, I have learn to becoming a believer of "one of those days", "Tml will be better" I don't know if I'm living in denial or what I am not lying to make myself feel better I just don't know whatever else can be done to make the self feel like as though everything is ok. It's corrupted. The heart, the faith, the believe, the hope but something in between all these are holding on strong. If you don't know that whatever hurts you hurts me too im telling you it does, so fucking much.

Monday, February 20, 2012

I've spent too much time worrying for your life your health but at the end of the day I realize you r not doing anything exceptionallt much . it kept me wondering a lot what have I been doing worrying pushing for is going anywhere . I am not asking anything good in return on me I just want your health to come back in piece . I've so far lived my life worrying for your life. Is it worth it, at the end of the day, is it fucking worth it.